Disclosure

"when you're going thru hell...keep going."

This Churchill quote has pulled me thru many seemingly insurmountable challenges during my life. But I'm not a pessimist, I don't usually view my existence as something I "have to get thru", in fact, I do love life and all of the unexpected presents (sometimes wrapped in unappealing situations) that turn out to leave us happier than we could have ever thought.

I also do think God has a major role in the direction of my life - I don't talk about Him much but there is no doubt that He has always been right here beside me even when I don't think he is.

What does this all mean?

Life for me in the past five weeks has presented one of the biggest challenges to date.

I have thought and thought for weeks on whether to post anything about it here. This blog is about Greta's life and her milestones - that won't change. But the fact is that what I have been dealing with fully affects her life. Plus I hope for a healthy, open relationship with my daughter and friends and family - how is that possible if I am not honest about other parts of my life?

I apologize in advance for not sharing this in person with many of you so close to me - it's embarrassing and putting it in words has been an emotional roadblock for me. Yet by not addressing it, I almost wish it not to be real...

Many statistics point to how hard it is for couples to maintain a solid relationship during a baby's first year. Greta's first birthday was on September 21st. Derek moved out on September 3rd. Our quirky family unit did not survive.

In the past month, since Derek's decision to move out, Greta and I have moved to a smaller place closer to my work and her sitter. Greta and her father have a strong relationship and that will continue. He loves that child like nothing I've seen before and she needs that. My emotions are second to her well-being and happiness.

As I mentioned earlier, there is often something good that lies below the pain we experience in life. The sadness, loneliness, anger and self-doubt linger in me everyday but just like a good life preserver, as soon as I see my daughter's face and give her a big hug, it gets a little easier. Thank you God.

But during those really bad times, I will keep my head down and listen to Churchill.